Have you ever attended a yoga class during lunch and upon your return had a co-worker say, “Must be nice, I’m too busy for yoga”?
Or after getting a massage, have you overheard a friend mutter, “That’s great, if you can afford it”?
These subtle little jabs tend to come from the martyrs of the world–the folks who don’t take care of themselves, and want you to feel guilty when you do.
You’ve probably been on the receiving end of such a remark. Perhaps you’ve even said things like this. I admit that I have! It’s true, and I’m very sorry.
I’m sorry because our words matter and how we talk about things affect how we, and the people around us, think and feel.
Self-Care is Self-Responsibility
Setting aside time for self-care may be easy for a few days… then just as you begin to feel the benefits, that creeping thought returns: What if self-care is selfish?
So you talk yourself out of your positive new habit. You think, I should get this laundry folded first, I don’t have time today, I have much more pressing stuff to do…I don’t feel so good without self-care, but I’ll be fine.
Intellectually we understand that self-care isn’t selfish but somehow we return to this idea that it’s indulgent, a luxury even.
In actuality, self-care is simply taking care of yourself. Taking responsibility for yourself.
Respecting yourself.
If you regard it this way, you understand that it is the opposite of selfish. To not take care of yourself, to wear yourself out, to pretend you don’t need rest can ultimately lead to burnout/injury/illness which could heavily burden others.
Doctors, massage therapists, acupuncturists, partners–these are all wonderful supports and resources but at the end of the day they are ground control. You’re the pilot. Self-care is about taking the controls and flying the plane.
Self-Care is Foundational to a Healthy Life
In my role as a health coach the need for and benefits of self-care comes up with almost every client. Regardless of age, gender, whether they’re working, retired, with or without kids, most people see self-care as vital and missing in their lives.
In my coaching, self-care is where self-awareness and self-regulation come together.
It’s regularly taking a moment to pause, check in, and ask “okay, what am I really feeling right now? And what do I need to support my health and wellbeing? What choice will the healthy future me need me to make right now?”
Self-care doesn’t have to involve spending money or multiple hours alone, but it certainly could. Self-care could be responding to an email you’ve been putting off that’s weighing on your mind. It could be paying your bills, or taking a break from the news.
And yes, it could be a glass of wine and a pedicure.
Once we expand our idea of what self-care is, we can see many opportunities to incorporate it into our lives.
Below is a Five-Minute Self-Care Exercise to explore the idea of self-care, feel what it means, and start to make it a regular practice
Five-Minute Self-Care Regroup Techniques
1) HALT
HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Four big and powerful feelings and states. On busy days you might overlook your most basic needs. Criss-crossing town to teach classes, you may miss lunch. Or you could be so focused on a deadline that you haven’t seen another human being all afternoon. HALT helps you pause and see what is really going on in the moment.
In this pause, cultivate your interoception–that sense of awareness of what is going on inside your body. The greater your ability to listen, the better you can respond and get your needs met.
To check in, first get comfy and grounded. Lie down on the ground, or sit somewhere comfortable bringing your awareness to gravity underneath you. Create a safe space by turning off the radio, silencing your phone, closing your door. Allow yourself to settle and relax for a few moments.
As you settle and tune in, ask: What can I do for myself, or my future self, in the next five minutes?
2) Breathe
Relax the muscles in your face, allow your lips to touch and your teeth to separate and take 3 slow deep belly breaths. Repeat a simple Sankalpa to help center your wandering mind. Try the following sankalpa as you breath: Breathing in I breathe in calm, breathing out I breathe out ease.
3) Relax
Need a little R&R? Try these relaxing moves:
Gentle swaying inversion:
Lie on your back in constructive rest position and place a Coregeous® ball under your hips.
- Gently sway your hips from side to side for a calming rocking motion
- Then settle and find stillness and breathe as you did in step one
Iron out tension in your upper back:
You’ll need two Original or PLUS sized Yoga Tune Up therapy balls, either in or out of the snug grip tote. Lie on your back and place the therapy balls below where your t-shirt collar would be on your upper back.
- Place your hands behind your head
- Lift your hips off the floor
- Slowly push the floor forward to roll the balls down your spine to where your bra strap or heart rate monitor would go
- Reverse the motion, repeat a few times, go slow
- If resting your body-weight on the therapy balls is too intense do the same motion standing at the wall
4) Emergency (Forehead) Landing
If stuck at work and getting on the floor isn’t an option, fold your arms on your desk and rest your forehead on your arms. Gentle forehead pressure + darkness + forward fold = hacking relaxation. It worked in first grade and it still works today.
Bonus: if a coworker asks what you’re doing start a conversation on self-care and forward this article!
Rebranding “Self-Care” for Yourself
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”
Feeling it but not digging the term self-care? That’s cool, call it something else.
Self-hygiene, soul-maintenance, alone time, me time, recharging, R&R. I had a boyfriend once that was adamant about the fact that he did NOT meditate–he “sat quietly every morning.”
The words we use matter. This is especially true when it comes to the words we use with ourselves–make your words both true and kind, and let your actions follow suit.
Shop this post: For gentle hip sway, get the Coregeous® Sponge Ball. For upper back massage try the Original Yoga Tune UP Therapy Ball, or Therapy Ball PLUS. Choose the size therapy ball based on your personal proportions.
Related Article: 5 Steps to Make Self-Care Exercise a Habit
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We can get so caught up in perceived “have to’s” that we push self care to “later” and then the day’s gone. Always good to be reminded of our true priorities.
I like the emphasis on how much our words matter. Both for the negative affect of making someone not want to practice self-care because of the negative connotation or being made fun of, buy also in the positive context of calling it whatever each individual needs to to encourage themselves to take care of themself. And love the line “In my coaching, self-care is where self-awareness and self-regulation come together.” Because it’s so under appreciated how lack of self-care actually negatively affects those around us. It’s our job and responsibility to not only ourselves but our community to take the reins and make sure we are doing ok.
I work as an osteopathic manipulative therapist and there is no client I leave without some self-care homework. As bodyworkers or therapists we see that many of the reasons that might have led to someone’s pain/injury can only be resolved with a set of tools that involves self-awareness and self-care. No matter how many classes you take or therapists you see, that moment that you take for yourself is HEALING. Checking in with yourself, noticing what your body is asking from you, is your body asking you to stop doing something? Self-care is aligned with intuition and they both strengthen with practice and continuity.
The insight on self-care being a self-responsibility I can really relate to. There have been so many times where people have said “I don’t have the time”, or “How can you afford x,y,z?”. Personally I get creative, and schedule my self-care for the month, so I have things to look forward to, but also can save or pinch elsewhere to treat myself even if it is a little selfish at this point in my life, I’ve realized we can keep giving, but we truly need to give to ourselves also. Especially time, of all things. Yoga Tune Up balls are such a great opportunity for someone to invest so little, but gain so much physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Excellent article – lovely incorporation of humor and light-heartedness with a serious topic. Just did the three suggested moves in succession. Rocking in recline with elevated hips is exquisitely calming!
This is a great reminder on awareness.. in being, action and so simply, with words. If we can notice that a term isn’t sitting well with us, we can create a new term that is suitable. If we can notice that we feel triggered emotionally or shallow in the breath, we can choose to do something about it. Thank you Meredith!
Tout à fait en accord avec l’idée de prendre du temps pour soi…quelque soit notre activité…notre moment que l’on choisit. Se faire du bien et prendre quelques minutes par jour pour s’aligner et faire taire le cahot de nos pensées est très important. Notre disponibilité et notre ouverture sont grandement éveillées pour la suite. Inclure des moments de massage avec le ballon….juste wow!
I have been struggling with making self-care a habit and often feel guilty once the ball is rolling and eventually start self-sacrificing and end up abandoning my plans altogether. I love the idea of re-branding the word Self-Care to Soul Maintenance. I have been struggling to find a Sankalpa that works for me and I am excited to try Self-Care is Self-Responsibility… Self-Care is Self-Respect!
I love this article and the suggestions for easily fitting self care into your life. I especially like just putting your head down! Im looking forward to using these techniques with clients.
Beautiful message, thank you. I needed this today, as I’ve been stretching myself thin these past few weeks. The “emergency forehead landing” made me giggle, my youngest daughter often drops into that position and takes a nap! Another great point is to give your own personalized term for self-care, I’ve been calling my self-care time as “me time”.
HALT!!!! This is genius. And the aspect of self care could not be more crucial after our pandemics and crisis our world is in RN. Thank you for these words as I share with many colleagues and friends!
Comme tu as dit, les mots font toute la différence dans notre pratique. Ça peut aider parfois à être moins demandant avec nous même.
I will suggest this article to several people around me. It’s so important to take responsibility for your own health. I will therefore put everything into practice on a daily basis.
I really like how you said that making time for self-care shows that we respect and take responsibility for ourselves. I’ve been really busy with household and family responsibilities for the last three or four months and have rarely made any time to treat myself as a result. Maybe I’ll look for a local spa where I could go for a customized facial treatment soon since that sounds like a good way to reset my self-care mindset!
I believe this article is exactly what I needed today. H.A.L.T. is very easy to remember to quick-scan our emotional kosha. Wow. Thank you!
Loved your article. And, yes, the first thing i drop when busy is self care but i do realize I should not. Thank you for the HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and rest on the desk techincs. I never thought of this one. I love child pose but, of course, would not do it in the office. This will be my office child pose. 🙂
Il y a longtemps pour moi que j’ai comme mode de vie de “bouger, partout, tout le temps!!” Ce qui fait de moi une personne active et “en forme” aux yeux de plusieurs….Par contre je ne passe pas des heures en salles d’entrainement ou je ne me fixe pas d’objectif d’entrainement cardio par semaine. Il sufit pour moi simplement d’utiliser tout les outils de ma vie pour maximiser le mouvement et déplacement. J’ai une difficulté énorme de relaxer et m’arrêter, c’est pourquoi je m’identifie d’une certaine façon a cet article puisqu’au lieu de réellemet prendre 5-10 min pour “prendre soin de moi et respirer” je préfère en prendre ici et là, un peu comme le moment de la tête sur le bureau. De cette façon je n’ai pas de sentiment de culpabilité (même si je ne devrais pas en avoir) de ne rien faire pour moi ni celui ou j’ai “trop rien fait”. Au fur et à mesure que le temps passe, mes moments deviennent itégré dans ma routine et de plus en plus fréquent. Je les compare un peu à une gorgé d’eau : si ton cerveau te dit plusieurs fois “j’ai soif” c’est que ton corps est déjà en manque!! Alors si durant la journée ton cerveau te dis plusieurs foir ” une balle sous mes pieds…mmmm ou je ferais bien une petite pause” c’est selon moi que ton corps est déjà en trop forte demande.
Je suis contente” de découvrir un court chemin pour reconnecter avec moi-même au besoin. 5 minutes, 5 mini actions pour combien de libération . Super
The concept of HALT is very interesting and I will try to integrate this powerful tool in my life. Thank you.
Great tips and I love the picture and idea that HALT creates. Self care needs to be integrated until it no longer feels like a radical act!
I very much appreciated the article’s mention of the acronym HALT-hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. What a great heuristic to help self-regulate in the midst of life. I’ve always found it interesting how we, the Western World, tends to reject the simple basic needs rooted in human biology, all the while expecting to perform at optimum levels without rest or refueling. We clearly can’t! The exercises given by the author are truly priceless. Getting down to the basics with simple breathing techniques is so important. Without breath there is no life. The most underrated or undervalued-self-care-is pivotal in how we function fluidly and efficiently on a day to day basis.
What a fabulous post- I’ve grown up learning that self care is a luxury and indulgence . My single mom never had time or money for self care and that ended up culminating in the belief that self care practices that were outside the realm of basic hygiene were only for the wealthy or entitled, and even further, that so called indulgent self care somehow diminished a person’s resilience . It’s been a real struggle to re-evaluate what mindful care practices and their positive impact on my life.
Self-care is so important. These are great ways to incorporate it more!
I think it’s easy to put self care in the back seat or think it’s a luxury you “can’t afford”. This article is a great way to bring it into your life in such an affective simple way.
Self care is so important, and self care “mini breaks” make a long day shorter. HALT! Yes!
Love the HALT! Simple and efficient. I’ll remember to check in more thank you.
Oh yes…therapy balls to forehead on desk ?
I loved the HALT reminder, as those four feelings do often influence our lives in a negative way and just being aware of them can make all the difference. I am constantly looking for ways to put more self care in my life and can’t wait to incorporate your tips. Thanks!
HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.
HALT will be an easy word to memorize or remember to do a STOP on a daily basis, because many times we ignore the basic needs of our body, such as getting enough sleep, eating at my time, exercising, etc. We are so immersed in the activity that we are doing that we believe that we waste time, so we prefer to finish whatever we are doing and then eat or sleep, leaving us at the end, as if my needs and taking care of my nonpriority and leaving me in second or third level When the most important thing is that I am well to be able to perform efficiently and also avoid some disease due to overload of work and / or high stress levels and I should not feel an egoistic person for putting me first, and that is what we should do to all. Thank you very much for sharing Meredith!
Wendy
I once heard the saying, “You have to be selfish before you can be selfless.” As someone who often takes on too much, and often under the guise of being of service to others, I had a hard time wrapping my head around this concept. However, when burnout starts take it’s hold, the truth of it hits pretty clearly. If we don’t take proper initiative in our own self-care, we simply have nothing to give others.
I’am so in tune with this article, taking care of yourself is for me as important as it is eating or breathing everyday and even more in those days that you are feeling like garbage. Self care I believe is not as shared in society as it must be, alot of people blame there stress, anxiety or angry mood on external things or other people, ignoring that if they would be taking care of themselves everyday or at least everytime they felt discomfort from an external situation, object or person, they will realize that there lives would change and they will get the power back by knowing that everything that they think happens to them is not like that, nothing happens if we don’t allow it to happen, if we become aware of our bodys, minds, and our own energy we could get to know ourselves better and by this not being shaked over external things that easy.
Holy moly… this one really made me think. “Self-care could mean responding to an email that’s heavily been weighing on my mind” so freaking true! When you get down to the nuts and bolts of time management, I very much agree. Every little thing we put off can effect our mental health, even things we wouldn’t necessarily think of as taking up energy and brain-space. Even the act of cleaning out the car. I am not a regularly scheduled car cleaning type of person… I put it off until the thickness of the dust on the dash is about a centimeter, and then another few weeks go by. Then it’s in the forefront of my head every time I get in the car. Then, maybe a month later, I finally take the time to wipe it down, throw out the wrappers and used tissues under the seat, and feel amazing every time I get in the care for a while after… bringing me to the point that self-care comes down to the tiniest efforts sometimes, and can make the hugest (and unexpectedly awesome) difference.
As you wrote, there are many ways in which we can give ourselves some self-care and that is definitely a game changer. It is pretty amazing how some rolling time can change your tissues, nervous system and consecuently our state of mind and breathing. Also, self care can be doing the things we love, because they can make us feel refreshed. And that doesn’t even needs to be specifically to go to a spa, but to find simple things that nurture our souls. Thanks for your insight and rolling!
we are 100% responsible for ourselves. When we lack self responsibility, self care, we tend to blame others for what happens in our life. So better to start changing those patterns that do not bring anything positive and nurturing into our lives and start living a life we want, by first giving love to ourselves.
Thanks for sharing!
I have always been an advocate for self care and luckily I was able to maintain the habit from when my children were young . I don’t think I was a neglectful mother at all . I always tell young mothers take time for yourself , find whatever you love to do and devout at least an hour a day or few times a week to take care of yourselves in order to take care of others ; create the space.
This is huge! So many people neglect self care, even us “wellness” workers. In fact, I think we are the worst culprits at times. When your career is helping others, there is often little time to help yourself. Thank you for the easy accessible exercises to reconnect with ourselves. Learning self care is being able to let go of feeling selfish about it. I go through phases of great self care; acupuncture, massage, Yoga classes…each time i remind myself that THIS is making me a better Yoga teacher and better person. Thanks for the reminder!
I love this topic! Self Care is the fundamental boundary for us to care for anyone else and love what we do! I have worked with people who kills themselves to get the job done, but work never stop coming in, if give in the self care and self love boundary, we will only end up being bitter and burn out.
RuPaul ends every Episode of “Drag Race” by asking the drag queens, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell’re you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen up in here?”
As a manual therapist, my career demands a LOT of my body. And I find that when I don’t take care of myself (whatever that means on that day), I resent what my career asks of me – I resent caring for other people’s bodies when I haven’t cared for my own. I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced full-tilt burnout, but there are definitely days when I’ve started to singe around the edges.
Thanks for accessible tips.
Such a lovely post! Self-care is truly a priority and I think it’s important for us to always remember that. A teacher once told me to spend time with yourself is not indulgent or selfish, but actually is essential if you are doing your best to practice the path of being selfless. I also love the concept of simply rebranding it in a way that works for your if “self-care” is a bit of turn off. If we can resonate with what we say then I think that that authenticity will reflect in our actions we take for ourselves.
Thank you for pointing out how important self-care is! I’ve struggled with giving myself permission to do it regularly, even though I see such a huge difference when I take the time to take care. I’ve been getting better over the years and it helps when I read something like your post. I’m going to work on a different name for it, too – that might help me even more (your boyfriend’s name for meditating cracked me up!)